Archive for November, 2012


Life

Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow, all of my lovely readers! Sorry I haven’t written much recently, life has just been…strange.

Finally left “Big Blue Box Store” Aka walmart. That was good. My other job is kinda annoying though. I feel so slimy, selling people expensive shit they don’t need. I’m mostly viewing it as a stopgap job until I can get another one. I don’t know if I can keep working there much longer regardless though. It was a bad decision. But if I had stayed at walmart, due to scheduling, I wouldn’t have been able to do Thanksgiving, because I’d have to be back too early to even make it worth going. Argh

Good thing about all this though? I was thinking about it earlier today…and I did some math…and I figured out how much I need to make an hour to be self sufficient. To be able to live on my own, pay my bills, so on and so forth, without needing a roomie or anything. Not that I’m necessarily planning on it, or anything, or at least, any time soon. But so that I could if I wanted to. And so I’ve started to look for those jobs. I’m not going to settle for less than that. I’m a smart girl, I am capable of so much more than what I’ve been doing, and I’m tired of dealing with the bull that comes along with living as I have.

I’m also sorting out some school stuff, that I should have sorted out ages ago. I don’t know why I didn’t. Fear of messing up, or falling flat on my face? Depression? I don’t know. But I’m moving forward.

I know where I want to be in life. Now I just need to somehow figure out how to get there. And get out of retail hell, because without years of experience, they aren’t going to pay me what I need to get what I want.

But other than that, stuff is okay enough. Everyone around me is upgrading their phones, and I didn’t get the one I wanted, but at least I have a working phone, so I can be grateful for that. I have friends who occasionally do stuff with me (even though they don’t do all that I want with me. But then, I want people around constantly, so that would never happen). And even if I fuck things up royally, I have a roof over my head. And even though it’s all for temporary stuff, and none of them fit these new goals I’ve made, I’ve gotten like…three calls back about jobs this past week? So that’s promising, and hopefully will continue as I move on up to other types of jobs. Just got to keep trying until I get there. And, probably, fake it until I make it, although hopefully not that much of that, because I hate faking, and that’s part of why I hate current job!

…Before this turns into a total whine fest, I’m going to stop. But, life is okay enough, I am okay enough, and hopefully things will be better soon (because I am optimistic at the moment, and believe I have what it takes! Let’s hope it doesn’t crash down and swing the same amount the opposite way!)

Things I am thankful for (in no particular order):

My life

My health

My friends

The fact that I am employed (if not the actual job)

My phone (it likes do to things like have the touch screen stop working, or forget all my contacts and stuff like that, but it’s a relatively reliable smart phone that does what I need, usually)

My family, even the ones who aren’t related by blood, and even the ones far away.

The fact that I have a roof over my head, whether I am employed or not

My brain, and how it works (usually. And even when I don’t like how it works, I like that I know it’ll go back to the other way eventually)

My little spiky ball of hate (aka my hedgie)

And that I’m going to be able to have a tasty dinner today. So many people won’t.

I wrote this last night, because as we speak, I’m either in Maine or on my way up. Have a great and safe Thanksgiving!

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